5 Movie Boyfriends Who Would Be Terrible in Real Life
Ahh, the movies. They give us so many idealized romances that it’s hard not to fall for the handsome hero right alongside the leading lady. But often everything that makes those devilish rogues and earnest sweethearts so endearing onscreen would make them terrible boyfriend material in real life. Take Lloyd Dobler (Say Anything) for instance, the kid responsible for teaching generation after generation of boys that persistence is the key to winning a girl’s heart…even if it means standing outside her house with a boombox over your head. Take note guys: it might be romantic once, but do it twice and you’re entering stalker territory.
Poor Lloyd isn’t the only movie boyfriend who would eventually become crazy annoying in real life. Here are five more guys who simply are only date-worthy on the big screen:
Thor looks like Chis Hemsworth thereby making anyone with an affinity for tall, strapping blond gods swoon, but let’s break this down: his primary home is Asgard and we all know long-distance relationships are kind of pain, especially when you can’t Skype, he has a super annoying brother, he’s a superhero which is inherently sexy until he misses your birthday to go stop the Chitauri from destroying New York again, and here’s the real kicker, you would have to explain the most simple things to him like how to use currency and cutlery.
I’m not saying it wouldn’t be worth it for awhile because who doesn’t want to tell everyone that they’re dating Thor? But between the high death rate amongst superheroes’ girlfriends and Thor’s personal baggage, actually dating the guy long term wouldn’t be worth it. Besides, how annoying would it be when you couldn’t pick up his hammer because he’s sooo pure of heart and you’re an actual human with complex emotions? Super annoying.
He is such a cad, ladies. Bond falls in love more often than most people eat dinner. As a one-night stand he is pure, suave super spy perfection, but on the regular Bond has too much man-pain, he’s a workaholic and he has way, way too many exes. He might say you are the one and only woman to steal his heart, but that’s only because he knows you’ll be shot by a supervillain soon and he wants to maximize his impending revenge angst.
Oh, Captain Jack. He is so inexplicably irresistible. He’s a pirate which is code for really good liar, historically speaking his hygiene would be terrible, he’s self-obsessed and he would love his boat more than you. Still, we all want to sail off into the sunset on The Black Pearl with him. One thing to keep in mind before falling for Sparrow’s swarthy hotness is that he wasn’t getting all of those slaps in the movies for no good reason.
Yep, once again we have a serial cheater on our hands…and one who predates the existence of penicillin.
Dirty Dancing is one of my all-time favorite movies, but I always knew Baby and Johnny were doomed the minute the end credits rolled. Baby was bound for college, while her strapping boyfriend, who felt compelled to sleep with every elderly lady at the camp for tips and then blame them for it, was bound for a lifetime of crappy jobs and feeling sorry for himself.
Johnny is that guy who lets his wallet define him. He could never own his awesomeness or feel he was worthy of Baby, so either one of two things were destined to happen: either Johnny would drag her down with his sad sack routine or Baby would wise up and leave her first love for a nerdy, ’60s era revolutionary she met at college. Either way, that relationship wasn’t going to work out for her…or us.
I am very glad that things worked out for Vivian (Julia Roberts) in Pretty Woman, but I’m just saying if I were a prostitute and a handsome, rich businessman wanted to marry me, I’d be a little suspicious. Why couldn’t he find a woman he didn’t have to buy a date with? How many times has he read 50 Shades of Grey? Have any women close to him ever went missing? Why is there a big lock on his basement door?
Even an extensive background check wouldn’t make me accept that proposal.
Which movie men (or women) would make your no date list? Share your picks in the comments.
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